Hello again. I want to share with you my write-up for the up-coming Edmonton Child’s magazine www.edmontonschild.com, regarding the inescapable relationship of parent and teacher. The magazine staff requested information that can help succeed with respectful and co-operstive relationships to mazimize the success of each student. Please enjoy.
“Your daughter is helpful!”; “Your respectful son had a wonderful day!” “Teacher, you are great!”
Welcome readers to the simplest, most sustaining solution to creating peaceful, progressive relationships anywhere, including the often-dreaded relationship between parent and teacher. As soon as your child leaves home they are influenced by “teachers”, whether it be in daycare; headstart; school. The inescapable connection developing between parent and teacher, no matter the age, is critical for intellectual and social success of every child. We really need to get it right!
To understand the foundation of success one need only look at relationships already existing in our lives. The desired peaceful, productive, satisfying connection between school and home is no different than the connection desired with bosses or employees; spouses/partners and in-laws; our children; their coaches. The list goes on. Working toward progress and completion of goals relies heavily on respect, understanding, patience, and listening – REALLY LISTENING, essentially to ones own heart.
Think of, and listen to a list presented a parent, one relaying failures, negatives through expectations often beginning with the “BE” word. “I want him to BE GOOD because he doesn’t listen! BE FAIR as he doesn’t share! BE RESPECTFUL!” Still assumed harmless – “If I say BE GOOD, at least I am not telling him he is bad” – the expectation to “BE GOOD” in life actually gives rise to many negative emotions like confusion, humiliation, anger as it states clearly “I am never good enough” – even, and especially, for adults! After years of presenting the “BE GOOD” assumption to adults, they have expressed to me feelings of anger, resentment, revenge, hurt, vulnerability and sadness – feelings affecting the emotional part of the brain. This generates the release of adrenalin, giving rise to inattention, impulsiveness, anger – yes in the teacher and the parent! This affects relationships. Relive the moment a list of “BE GOOD” expectations awaits a parent/child interview. Adrenalin is brewing from the anxiety created when remembering what that student does not do all day – “I want him to sit!” It is hard to focus on specifics and hard to find something positive to say when filled with thoughts of what a child is NOT doing. Imagine the dread of the parent coming for the interview and the defense already built up before it even begins – “He is never doing anything right!” A successful outcome from this interview is slim.
Now recall moments at home stewing over the negative thoughts you have toward the teacher and ask yourself if the brain is open to interpretation and awaiting help, or just wanting to shut down, believing the teacher is unqualified to teach your child. There is little hope for progress.
Conversely, if I, the teacher, look to a parent and exclaim, “your daughter is bright and a joy in class, this is what she did today!” I have created direction, happiness, natural love connections and the desire and opportunity to learn – yes learn from the teacher in order to help the child. The truth: “You ARE good!” creates deep, intense feelings of welcome, drive, motivation and connection, all emotions that desiring, encouraging, learning relationships derive from.
Realizing our thoughts affect our brains and our brains affect everything about us, it IS more calming, satisfying and successful to know and express that a child IS all they need to be – “You ARE kind and fair and I know you WILL share.”
Welcome to a satisfying, respectful, helpful, happy parent/teacher relationship.